Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy – A Splendid Movie Review

NO SPOILER ALERT NO SPOILER ALERT NO SPOILER ALERT

This review will not reveal significant plot details.  For example, I will not outline the entire plot.  Stuff like that. You have been warned.

By the way, that’s not a total lie.  I won’t be addressing one single aspect of the plot in this review, nor could I, as the plot was extraordinarily dense and virtually impossible to understand.

“TInker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy” – I think I was disappointed.  I feel like I’m disappointed, so I guess you could say I’m disappointed.  Put me down as “mildly disappointed”.  Before I go on, let it be known that I’m about to make a comparison between sports and art.  I always find that to be a dangerous road since sports and art are consumed differently.  During the course of a sporting event, the players determine who wins.  I watch, hope something amazing happens, but in the end, the players determine who the winner is.  In the arts, I determine who wins.  Despite winning Best Picture, Million Dollar Baby lost with me.  Its not my thing to watch a thoroughly depressing story.  Likewise, I HATED the ludicrous Indy 4.  Sure, it “won” by getting me to buy a ticket, but I will never, EVER buy a copy of my own.  So there, sports and art are consumed differently.  The reason I choose to make the comparison in this case is because we make the decision to consume both commodities in the same way.  We take what we know and make the call.  In basketball, I know that I’m getting, for example, a lot of rebounds from Kevin Love tonight.  Or a couple big slam-dunks from Blake Griffin.  Or, I know that, right now, the Miami Heat will probably win by around 11 points.  If any of those situations sounds like something I’d like, I tune in.  And isn’t that the point of reading a review?  Aren’t you trying to decide whether to “tune-in” or not?  I hardly ever watch a movie and THEN go see what people say about it.  Instead, I read what they say and then make the decision.  That’s what this whole comparison is about – helping you decide whether to watch the movie or not.

Having said ALL of that…..

This movie has qualities similar to a basketball game in which neither team has anything at stake; if you’re a basketball junkie, or if you support one of the teams, there might be something to watch for (a good pass here, a nice move there, outrageously meaningless hustle plays by a player vying for a contract).  However, for the majority of the basketball watching community, those games are rarely worth watching, especially if there is a better game on with playoff implications and star players.  The boring basketball game with nothing at stake is its own genre, appreciated by a small minority of the population.  Incidentally, I found TTSS to be a boring movie in which, in the end, nothing was at stake.  I don’t see myself ever watching this movie again.  I can see myself sitting back and enjoying my Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol blu-ray time and time again, but I cannot imagine a situation in which I would ever watch this movie in my own home.  But, you might be the type of person who would like the movie, and if you think you might be, here are some questions you should ask yourself to make sure:

Do I like spy movies?

Am I a fan of Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, or John Hurt enough to see a movie JUST to witness their performance?

Do I even know who Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, or John Hurt are?

Do I like movies with action?

If I answered “yes” to the above question, am I cool with watching a movie with zero action?

Can I understand mumbling British actors?

Do I typically watch movies with the subtitles on?

Have I read the book Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, and, if so, do I care to see it interpreted on the big screen?

Do I mind soundtracks with little-to-no memorable moments?

Did I have no problems keeping up with the stories of Layer Cake, Snatch, or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels?

Did I have a problem keeping up with Mission Impossible 1?

Do I like pensive moments where nothing happens and its possible I will nod off or slip into a coma due to severe lack of brain stimulation?

Am I terrible with names?

Uhh, so, if you answered yes or no to the right combination of those questions, then you should go see the movie.  If you answered yes/no to the WRONG combination, stay home.  A few followups:

1. Colin Firth – He won that Academy Award for King’s Speech, but then again, what halfway competent actor portraying someone with an impediment DOESN’T win an Academy Award?  He was good, and I love him as an actor, but his co-star, Geoffrey Rush, gave the better performance.  I remember little of Firth’s performance, but I remember much about Rush’s.  Anyway, in TTSS, Colin was enjoyable except for his mumbling.  He mumbles!  If you have a hard time understanding British actors, get ready to not catch anything Firth says.

2. Gary Oldman – He’s so pensive in this movie.  Apparently, in the book his character is taciturn, but he could have been a little more enjoyably laconic.  He was too reticent for my taste.  Also, I wanted a reason to like him beyond “he’s the hero because he’s the hero”.  Its like someone being a leader via title versus force of personality – when the chips are down, the titular guy will be discarded.  In the same way, Gary’s character is one for the junk heap.  Not his performance, mind you, but the character.  For that I blame the writers.  On Oldman: I am routinely impressed by the guy.  Apparently he tries to adopt a different accent for every movie.  He sounds great in this one, light years away from Commissioner Gordon.  I think if he could’ve just had one drug-dropping moment like his character in The Professional, it would have been awesome.  That move where he throws his head back and pops the drug between his teeth……insanely creepy and crazy and great.  BTW, drugs are bad.

3. Tom Hardy – I caught myself thinking he reminded me of Harrison Ford.  Like, he just seems like a rough, tough guy who is believable in his role as a young, aggressive field guy.  I can’t wait to see him in The Dark Knight Rises.  I thought he was great in Inception, too.  Hopefully he doesn’t completely lose the ability to act competently in his later years as Harrison has.  Too bad about that b/c if Harrison could still act, I would own Indy 4 today.  Just kidding hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I would never own that abomination of a trainwreck of an atrocity of a crime against humanity in the form of a movie!!!!

4. Totally random note about sports.  Even though sports are numbers-driven, its the rare cases when players/teams transcend their stats in either direction that are so captivating.  Like the 7-seconds or less Phoenix Suns.  Super fun!  Never won it all, had some success, super memorable, and a team I watched probably more than any other back in the mid-2000′s.  Bill Simmons of Espn.com identifies them as being “critically acclaimed” although, really, they were probably more emotionally acclaimed, but whatever.  Watching them was like watching performance art, mostly because Steve Nash was the greatest.  The same “transcendent” argument can be made for Tim Tebow.  He’s a complete enigma.  Is he going to play atrociously or brilliantly?  Who knows?  That’s the beauty – either way, he’s an entertaining guy to watch because he’s unpredictable.  He was the most-tweeted-about person in Twitter history following the Broncos’ epic OT victory last Sunday, and his jersey is the 2nd best-selling jersey in all the NFL despite his being an extremely mediocre quarterback.  (Number 1? Aaron Rogers, arguably the most skilled QB playing today, and leader of the team with arguably the most rabid fan base in the entire league, the Green Bay Packers.)  What does all that mean?  I don’t know, but I like Tebow and I liked the Suns a lot, so I’m glad I wrote this paragraph extolling them, like that makes my feelings any more official.

It only seems appropriate to conclude this review/meandering Pulitzer-worthy work with my favorite quote from TTSS, an exchange between Firth’s and Oldman’s characters:

Firth: “al;knaoisdnvknalkaslidhlknv (undecipherable speaking)”

Oldman: (looking on, pensive) “Wel-”zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol – A Fantastic Review

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol is Good yay!

I can’t wait to spend another $14.50.  That’s the cost of seeing Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol in IMAX, and so far I’ve invested $29.  Can’t wait for my next investment opportunity.  I mean, I’m giddy just thinking about it.  It reminds me of finding a song that just hits me and playing it on repeat like 100 times in a row; I can’t wait to experience this movie again!!  Here’s what’s crazy about the movie – its directed by Brad Bird (his first live action directing gig) and he DESTROYS the previous installment (directed by JJ Abrams).  From what I understand, Abrams was the one who pitched the job to Bird, so it sounds like they’re friends.  I’m gonna guess Abrams is totally excited to have his name on such a great film and happy for his friend’s success.  In honor of his presumed excitement and assumed lack of jealousy over MI:3 getting owned, I’m going to do the best thing possible: prop up one thing by putting something else down!!!  Yay for belittling and smear campaigns!!

With as little ado further as possible:

Mission Impossible:3 vs Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (An unbiased and academic case study)

Cruise vs Cruise – One of the things about Thomas Mapother is you know what you’re getting – lots of powerful “up-looks” (the thing where someone is talking to him and he’s inexplicably looking down, and then he looks up dramatically with a deranged smile, making you wonder if he’s actually COMPLETELY insane), lots of spectacular stunt performances, and lots of nose.  That thing is fantastic.  You’ll also get him making emphatically emphatic hand gestures.  He’d be a ludicrous policeman directing traffic.  I’d love to see him yelling angrily at confused drivers during rush hour at a disabled traffic light: “GO!!!  I said GO!!  No, not you!!  You, then YOU!!  I’m gonna hang outstretched from a cable if you can’t learn to drive!!  I can’t beLIEVE this!!!”  In all seriousness, Cruise does some great/enjoyable acting in MI:GP.  He seemed headed this way in MI:3, but his catastrophe of a personal life derailed his career to such an extent that they had to wait 5 years to finally release a sequel.  I’d call these two Cruise performances nearly equal, except he was better in MI:GP for one reason – I started to see him as Ethan Hunt and not Tom Cruise.  Being a movie star is a blessing and a curse – you become famous for being great at one thing (the aforementioned up-looks and rad stunts) then get so associated with your act that people never see you for anything more than YOU.  Cruise has historically been the worst “Every character he plays is him” actor, but he showed some chops in MI:GP that I enjoyed.  For example, his bewilderment in having to scale the Burj Khalifa, and his tender moment telling Robin Thicke’s wife that “We can’t bring them back.”  Winner: Cruise

Ving Rhames vs Ving Rhames – Ving Rhames was cool in the first MI, but he’s weak now.  Glad he was only in 1/140th of MI:GP.  I’m also glad he was in MI:GP and not totally left out.  Whatever.  Am I the only one who thought the wardrobe department malfunctioned when they dressed Rhames in black on black for his dramatic throwing of the bird with his black hand?  It was like, wait, is something happening??  Can I get some infra-red night vision goggles?  There’s too much darkness happening at once!!  Winner: the color black.

Robin Thicke’s wife vs the Asian girl if she is Asian - Robin Thicke’s wife was a massive improvement over pretty much every actress who played a part of the team from MI:3 on.  I felt like she could kick my butt for real.  Then I realized she’s only 5’4.  Then I realized Cruise-Mapother isn’t tall and that’s why Robin Thicke’s wife looked like an Amazon.  Then I looked up MI:3 on imdb to see who the Asian girl is and realized she’s half white and named Maggie Q.  Then I looked up every female actress from MI:3 and realized they’re all 5’7 or shorter, and then thought I should end this then gimmick. Then I thought, “Naaaaaaaaah.”  Winner: Robin Thicke.

Josh Holloway in a handful of scenes vs the random English guy from MI:3 – Sawyer totally ruled the MI:GP intro.  Great play by Bird!  Too bad he gets killed.  I’d love to see the lost files of Agent Hanaway.  As for the random English dude in MI:3, he contributes to two of the most contrived scenes in film history: flying the helicopter through a windmill farm and asking Maggie Q to teach him her prayer.  That prayer scene was egregious, like Abrams was thinking “Crap, we’ve gotta build these characters up or people won’t remember their names!!”  Mission failed JJ!!!!!!  Winner: Sawyer, but it would’ve been cool to see Desmond too.

Simon Pegg vs Simon Pegg – Benji basically saves MI:3 from being a total stiff bore of a movie in just two scenes.  Now that he’s a full member of the field team, I can say this: entertaining movie? Mission accomplished!!!!  He’s a rare guy who can hold his own next to a major star like Cruise.  Love him.  Impressed by his resistance to overplay the “and I catch you” bit with Brandt.  That could’ve been suuuuper lame, but Simon Pegg played it just perfectly to the point that I believed there was some legitimate character-building happening a la the egregious prayer scene in MI:3 except the opposite!!!  Winner: Simon Pegg FTW!!!!!

Jeremy Renner vs Philip Seymour Hoffman – Hoffman’s character could’ve been played by anyone.  Renner is captivating in his monologue regarding Croatia.  Also funny in the “Jump and I catch you” stretching bit.  And I remember his character’s name: Bill Brasky!! (did you just hear the SNL cast yell Bill Brasky? I know I did!!) Just kidding, his name is Brandt.  See? I remember. Great job directing, writing, balancing of all the characters, and making me care about them.  Great play by Bird!  Winner: Renner

Whoever did the music in MI:3 vs Michael Giacchino – The music in MI:3 is forgettable.  Giacchino is fantastic!  I felt like every change to a new locale was served just as much by Giacchino’s ethnically reminiscent sounds as by the massively epic IMAX aerial shots.  The Russian mens chorus was incredibly cool and powerful, and the Indian music in the entrance to Mumbai was one of my favorite moments.  The dancing Indian women scene for some reason reminded me a little of the greatest movie series of all time: Indiana Jones.  IMPORTANT NOTE: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull isn’t a part of the Indiana Jones series.  Its clearly a massive inside-joke parody of an inside-joke of a parody on the part of Spielberg.  Haha Steven you joker!!  You sure pulled a fast one on everyone!  What a trickster.  I digress.  The music added another entire layer to MI:GP that was missing from every other single MI until now.  Not that Danny Elfman’s score was bad in the first; it was just underutilized.  Great play by Bird!  Winner: Michael Giacchino.

Brad Bird vs JJ Abrams – There was a time recently when, if I mentioned JJ Abrams was involved with an upcoming project, all my entertainment-buff friends would say “Oh awesome! That guy’s great!!” and proceed to pay for whatever he put out.  In contrast, all Brad Bird ever got was an “I really liked the Incredibles!!” and maybe an “I really liked the Iron Giant!”.  What I’m saying is this: If Brad Bird doesn’t direct every movie that comes out from now on, and if Michael Giacchino doesn’t do all the music, I’ll round up all the famous Birds and hold them hostage until Hollywood stops holding us hostage with poorly conceived flicks wrought with lens flairs (which I don’t mind whatsoever – I just mention them in disgust to be more dramatic).  That means you Larry, Big, and Chris Anderson!!!!  It needs to be reiterated that it was Abrams who sent Bird the invite to direct MI:GP, so he does seem to have sensibilities for recognizing talent, but in terms of sheer directing and putting together a killer movie, it has to be Bird.  Winner: Brad Bird.

I’ll be returning for viewing #3 this Sunday with my buddy Cary who’ll be seeing it for the fourth time.  Along for the ride will be Brazle and probably a host of other miscreants, and I feel like its safe to say every single person who walks into the theater in my party will walk out satisfied.  Either that or they die.  That’s the beauty of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol!!

iPod fun

New iPods are fun things, and with my new iPod, I’ve been recording myself playing little ditties at home.  Check them out here, and look for more exciting videos and content in days to come!!

Grant

Silhouettes: Now Available and Coming Soon To iTunes

My new album, “Silhouettes”, is now available on www.grantstevensgroup.com and will soon be coming to iTunes.  This release marks the first time I’ve recorded and produced a set of songs that are wholly original, and it also marks the first time I’ve recorded and produced my own tunes with a band.  Getting some of the best musicians in the Midwest to play on my album is a mind-blowing experience, in a good way.  It seems like people often speak about how humbling it was to work with this person or that person – now I see why.  It is humbling to hear these talented individuals apply the sum of their musical experience and knowledge to my songs.  So rewarding.

If you are new to my music, this is the third album I’ve released now, but Silhouettes doesn’t sound at all like my previous CD’s.  If you heard anything I released prior, you might be expecting another piano/vocals “jazz” album.  This is not a jazz album.  It does have some jazz flavors (like the Rhodes solo at the end of the title track), but in the end, it’s a pop/rock record.

Having written all that, here’s a little background on each song from the album.

1.  Handful of Romance – This is a song inspired by a visit to the movies after a relationship ended painfully.  The music has a driving quality to it – total jam from the whole band.

2. Let’s Kiss – One of my oldest songs.  Celebrates kissing.  One of MusictheBerto‘s fav songs of mine.  Let’s call it a night….

3. We’re Not Even Talking – Like track 1, inspired by relationship woes.  Don’t remember when I wrote the words, but it was probably really late at night.  I usually write words and music simultaneously, but in this case I wrote the music separately.  Good job by Brine Webb for sliding some foam under the strings for this one.  This one rocks.

4. Diamond in the Rough – We’ve all looked or we’re all looking for that diamond in the rough.  Nice classical guitar flourishes by Matt Stansberry!  Different from the other songs b/c Jeff Hall moves from drums to percussion on this one.  Nice job by him, capturing a multi-ethnic tone palatte.

5. What Did She Do Wrong? – This song has a whistle solo at the end.  That’s right, a whistle solo.  Step off!!

6. Home At Last – I used to have a very long drive to and from work.  I wrote the verse/chorus pretty much as you hear it when I was pulling into my garage at the end of a particularly tiring day.  A very relaxing song, this cut features some beautiful guitar sounds from Matt, gorgeous bass from Brine, and nice tight drums from Jeff.

7. Silhouettes – This song has a cool groove; very busy drums and lyrics mixed with smooth, legato tones elsewhere.  Thanks to Herbie Hancock for inspiring the Rhodes solo toward the end.

Get yourself a copy of Silhouettes here, and look for it on iTunes soon.  I will update as soon as it’s available digitally.

New EP Available Fall 2010

Exciting times!  My new album is moving forward and is officially slated for a fall release.  Three things you should know:

1.  It’s an EP (shorter than a full album release).

2.  It features seven brand-new, all-original songs.

3.  The songs are about love, heartbreak, and happiness.

There is no title or artwork right now, but I guarantee if you’re a “judge a book by it’s cover” kind of person, you’ll like my EP.  Keep checking my website (www.grantstevensgroup.com) and facebook (www.facebook.com/grantstevensmusic) for the latest news and indispensible tweets!!

Upcoming album release

I am very excited to announce my newest project!! For the past month or two I have been collaborating with Matt Stansberry on an upcoming album. The disc, still untitled, will feature brand new, original music in a vein totally different from my previous CD’s!

A release date has not been set, but check out grantstevensgroup.com and my Facebook page (facebook.com/grantstevensmusic) for more details. I hope to keep you updated as the project progresses to completion!

Thanks for checking out my blog.

Playing on St. Patrick's Day!