Iron Man 3: An Extremely Awesomely Amazing Review

iron man 3 poster-1I can check Iron Man 3 off the list! I watched it last week with my buddy Brazle, and I gotta tell you, I’m soooooooooo glad to see superhero movies get back to camp. Jkjkjk but really, Iron Man 3 is to Iron Man what Batman and Robin is to Batman Begins. What I mean is, it’s really, really, really, really silly. It’s directed by the same guy who directed Last Action Hero, so that should give you some sort of indication of what I’m talking about. I have to think the silliness is intentional, since it would be kind of sad if they were trying to make a serious movie. There’s rushed plot devices, pointless characters, unexplained story elements, and a twist that kind of works but not really. All in all, it’s a bad movie, but if you see it as camp, then it’s a GREAT movie!! It’s just so silly!! I mean, seriously. So, if you’re looking for the Batman and Robin of the Iron Man series, check out Iron Man 3. Now, I should say there are two good things about Iron Man 3 – it’s better than Iron Man 2, and the CGI is pretty freaking sweet. Other than that, it’s a pretty terrible movie. Like, it’s really dumb. I give it a 5.5/10 and hope to not have to watch it again for a loooooong time.

So, since there’s not much left to say, I’ve decided to spend the rest of this space rating all the recent superhero movies from best to worst. This list only covers movies from 2000 forward since that’s the year X-Men came out aka the first modern superhero movie. Without further ado….

Wait a second – there’s like 60 superhero movies from 2000-today. I haven’t even seen them all!! ….. It wouldn’t seem right to rank movies I haven’t even seen. Hmmm…..okay, I have an idea – I’m going to name off my top 10 most favorite superhero movies from 2000-today. Sound good? Sounds good. Here we go:

10. Man of Steel Darn right I put Man of Steel in the top 10! Even though it’s not technically out yet, it’s destined to be in the top 10 in just a few short weeks. I’m already excited to watch Kevin Costner and Russell Crowe hold court as Kal-El’s dad. It’s going to be so epic!!!!!!!!!!! NOTE: I wrote this section before seeing Man of Steel, then proceeded to get thoroughly lazy and not write again for a month. Now, I’ve seen Man of Steel, and I’m not so sure that I’m not so sure that I would put it in my top ten. Whatever. I’ll write a proper review soon.

9. Captain America: The First Avenger I feel like this is slightly better than Thor, so it gets the nod in the nine spot. I like the girl in this one. Unconventionally conventionally beautiful. Does that even make sense?

8. X-Men 2 O M Gosh Jean Grey is the Phoenix ouneriunv0834hv108hgojenr(#*kjnvoauhr8@)9efkn2489fh98h0 MY MIND IS SO BLOWN RIGHT NOW!!!! Somehow, this film took what was good in the first installment and continued it. Too bad I’m a sucker for origin stories, which is why number seven on the list is…

7. X-Men Wolverine is the star of this delightful tale. Since this movie was made in an era when CGI wasn’t the most abundant resource next to water and oxygen and junk, this superhero tale is forced to tell a story. It’s kind of like an out-of-body experience, watching actors deliver quality dialogue and seeing a plot play out intelligently.

6. Spider-Man So, origin stories usually hit me harder than their sequels, but in the case of the early 2000’s Spider-Man series, the reverse is the case. That doesn’t mean I don’t still love the first of Sam Raimi’s Spider trilogy. It has an iconic script, memorable scenes, delightful cinematography, and the cheesiest villain this side of a really cheesy villain. All in all, this is a modern classic.

5. The Avengers My agent told me I had to include The Avengers in my top 5 or my readership would suffer. I replied, ‘What about taking a month-long sabbatical?’ She seemed to think putting Avengers out of the top 5 would be worse. Whatever. The Avengers represents a lot of what I hate in movies these days: too many hard-hitting lines, too much CGI, too many convenient plot moments, and not enough charm. But, it made a long ton of money and earned the ever-living love of Brazle and Cary, so it would seem important to rate this high, if only for the greater good. And for my readership. NOTE: I don’t actually have an agent. I just made all that first part up.

4. Spider-Man 2 Ahhhh – this is one of the finest examples of a real movie that just so happen to be about superheros. Sam Raimi put it all together for this one. The villain is fantastic, Spidey’s conflicted nature is believable, and there isn’t an overwhelming amount of CGI. For some reason, Sam decided to make this thing “moving” and “touching”. Pfft – like that’s what people want. He doesn’t even know. But for cereal, Bruce Campbell’s cameo is great, the Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head segment is vintage, and Spidey hooking up with MJ is the release we’d all been waiting for. Oops, forgot to say “spoiler alert”!

3. The Dark Knight Hey, remember this movie? Lots of people think this is the best superhero movie ever, and lots of people are wrong. It’s the third best superhero movie, but that’s still impressive. Great casting, treeeeemendous Joker, good music, cool new Batloft, and lots of wonderfully unintelligible dialogue courtesy of the Caped Crusader. Throw it in the Juiceman juicer and it’s a great movie.

2. Batman Begins This is nearly the greatest superhero movie of the last 13 years. Wonderful depiction of Batman beginning. Charming, stylish, funny. Awesome Batmobile thing. Liam Neeson. Christian Bale. Michael Caine. Morgan Freeman. Complete murderer’s row of actors. Freaking incredible.

1. Iron Man Here it is – the greatest superhero movie of the last 13 years, and the #1 of all-time, Ironman. Not as sexy or “important” as the Dark Knight trilogy, but every bit as good and even more entertaining. Robert Downey, Jr. makes Tony Stark his own. Like, it’s almost like his secret alter-ego or something. Jeff Bridges turns in a spectacle of a performance, rocking the creepy bald-bearded-guy vibe to perfection. Tasteful CGI, not overblown. Good character, touching and moving. The best of the best – Iron Man.

So there you have it. For the record, I started this review May 17th and finished it June 15th. What have I been doing? Not writing, that’s for sure. I have good excuses, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is, I’m waaaaaaaay behind, so look for more content from me in the coming weeks. Yaaaaaay! Peace!!!!

Grant Stevens is a freelance writer who comes and goes as he pleases. He hopes that his Pulitzer Prize doesn’t keep him tied down at all, because that would be really lame. He writes music in addition to amazing blog entries. Check it out at www.grantstevensgroup.com and www.soundcloud.com/grant-stevens-amazing.

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