Summer Movie Recapitulation: My Shortest Movie Column Yet!!!!!!!!

It’s October 15th and I never finished writing reviews of most of the movies I watched this summer. Why’s that you ask? It’s because I have hardly anything to say.  It’s easy to write opinion pieces when one has an opinion, but without it, one might as well try to have a fire without oxygen, math without numbers, or a thriving restaurant without food. But I love you readers, so I decided to go ahead and write snippets for each film. It’s the least I can do.

Fast and Furious 6 – It’s Fast and Furious. If you liked the others, you’ll like this. It continues the more mature feel of Fast 5, but with some weaker writing in places and some deplorable acting. I like these movies because they’re ridiculous, so I would recommend it for a mindless movie night with lots of NOS.

Star Trek Into Darkness – I’m sure everyone already saw this and thought it was awesome. I think it is pretty good but not as good as its predecessor. I didn’t appreciate the rehashing of Wrath of Khan. Benedict Cumberbatch is awesome.  Good music. You might as well watch it if you haven’t already, just to stay current.

World War Z – Do you like brainless zombie movies? Wait, what? WWZ is pointless and meaningless, but it’s slightly better than mediocre, so I can safely recommend it if you like silly zombie movies. Brad Pitt is whatever and a bag of chips.

Grown Ups 2 – Silly, dumb and 1,000,000,000,000,000 times better than the first one. Actually, I think Grown Ups 1 might honestly be the worst movie I’ve ever seen.

Pacific Rim – Somehow, Pacific Rim ended up being my favorite movie of the summer. It’s fun. I mean, monsters from another dimension (that were actually the dinosaurs!!!!) vs giant robots – it doesn’t get much more ridiculous than that. And by ridiculous I mean you should watch it.

So there you go!!! Five movie reviews in under 500 words. I don’t know what’s come over me. Oh wait, I know – a severe lack of opinions!! Alas. In summary, this has been the weakest year of movies in recent history. Oh well – at least things are looking up with THE HOBBIT 2: BILBO MEETS LEGOLAS EVEN THOUGH HE IS NOT IN THE BOOK and THOR 2: THOR GOES NUMBER 2 and HUNGER GAMES 2: DID THAT GIRL MAKE OUT WITH BRADLEY COOPER coming out. Nothing revs me up like sequels to mediocre films. Oh, and Ender’s Game. I’m just glad Harrison Ford is still a good actor.

😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

Grant Stevens is a tireless writer who seeks to spread truth against all odds. When he isn’t writing he enjoys playing music, playing games on his iPod, and dog fighting. Jk he doesn’t do the dog fighting thing. Jokes!! 

One thought on “Summer Movie Recapitulation: My Shortest Movie Column Yet!!!!!!!!

  1. Thanks for the updates on all the movies I missed this summer. It sounds like I didn’t miss ANYTHING, and saved some moolah! Keep up the great and humorous reviews!
    Your Texas fan!

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