OKLAHOMA CITY – I recently watched Furious 7 with Brazle, Ryan, Miriam, Miriam’s sister and Krystin, and as expected, it is, along with the previous six installments, the greatest movie ever made. The acting, music, script, action, cinematography and family motifs were all the best that this world has ever been able to, can currently or will ever be able to produce. To top it all, the film features a touching sendoff to Paul Walker. In short, this movie is literally the greatest ever.
You know how Vin Diesel said this movie would win Oscars? And everyone scoffed? First of all, shame on them. Second of all, it seems like the verb “win” is too weak. I mean, of course this movie will “win” Oscars – it is literally the greatest movie ever made. Instead of “win,” I would go with “obliterate every other movie in history and force every trophy ever given out (not just Oscars but every trophy) to be renamed ‘If this award wasn’t given to a Fast an Furious movie, it is immediately illegitimate.’”
Now, some people might be thinking “Grant’s being ironic again LOL.” But if you’re thinking that, ask yourself this – if these movies aren’t the greatest ever, then why do they keep getting made? I rest my case.
Honestly, I have nothing else to add. Sure, some wrong people will say this movie has bad acting, boring scenes down the stretch, a forgettable soundtrack, bad acting, gratuitously skimpy outfits, too much bad language and bad acting. But of course, those wrong people would be wrong. You know why? Because if these movies weren’t good, they wouldn’t be made.
Oh, and lest I forget to mention the pinnacle of every manifestation of art ever, I must give a gigantic nod to The Rock for his perfect job as Agent Hobbs. I don’t even know if I spelled “Hobbs” right but it doesn’t matter if I didn’t; a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
And on that note, I will stop writing, sit back and bask in the fact that I was able to watch this movie. I’m just so glad I live in a world where Furious 7 exists.
But seriously – if you like ridiculous, so-bad-they’re-good movies a la The Expendables, you’ll probably really like Furious 7. And, again, in all seriousness, The Rock is really fun in this. No, this movie isn’t very good, but it is really good as an outlandish guy movie.
One last time, for good measure.
I give it ∞/10.
Grant Stevens loves completely ridiculous, over-the-top movies that actually take themselves seriously. He also has said “Daddy’s gotta go to work” at least 1 billion times since seeing Furious 7. While not writing award-winning content, he enjoys hamburgers. He is also the Cacique of the Use Ironic Correctly Society. And, seriously, he enjoys apologetics, including material on ReasonableFaith.org.