Captain America: Civil War – A Painstaking Review of A Captain America Movie That I Remember As An Ironman Movie

Coming to theaters four months ago.

Coming to theaters three months ago.

OKLAHOMA CITY – My friend Katie said I should write a review of the latest Marvel movie, Captain America: Civil War. I’ve not been able to bring myself to write anything as the movie was entirely unremarkable. Today, though, I’ve found myself completely bored and realized I should write up my (sparse) thoughts.

So, Captain America: Civil War.

The best thing about it is that it has quite a few humorous moments. I especially like Antman’s dialogue toward Captain America.

The worst thing is that it is yet another fairly formulaic superhero film in a long line of formulaic superhero films by Marvel.

Shouldst thou watch it? I guess so. Whatever.

That’s my review.

I’m still really bored….that did not take nearly long enough. Hmmm……

(20 minutes later)

Oh yeah, there was one really fabulous (as in “like unto a fable”) thing I almost forgot: Tony Stark finally gets his mojo back. The best Marvel movie ever was Ironman 1, and I think it’s largely because Tony was just a lot more fun, that being mostly because he was not with Pepper and thus living the cavalier bachelor lifestyle, dating beautiful women and living ostentatiously in an attempt to impress said ladies (and pretty much everyone else within ear or eye shot).

In all the other movies until now, that side of Tony has been largely dormant (I say largely and not completely only because I don’t have time to verify the sweeping claim that completely would imply). But, with Pepper out of the picture, we finally get to see Bachelor Tony again (albeit just a quick flash of him), and it’s really fun and sad, fun because Downey is phenomenal at playing the lady’s man and sad because we’ve had something like 3 or 4 movies without Bachelor Tony; those movies are roughly 47% worse for Bachelor Tony’s absence.

I believe that is it. Sure, go ahead and see the movie. It is neither great nor terrible nor memorable; iwis, I declare unto thee, it is average. But – it does have several really fun moments, moments which I believe thou wilt enjoy. By my troth, partake and enjoy thyself, brigand!

Grant Stevens writes movie reviews and plays the trumpet and piano. He also really likes philosophy and apologetics. He also likes Super Mario Kart and Advance Wars. He also is the Der König of the Keep English Alive Club (a club devoted to raising awareness for the endangered language English) as well as the Der Kaiser of the Use Ironic Correctly Society (a club devoted to using the word “ironic” correctly). 

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